PONDER... PONDER...
Dearest's nenek is getting "weirder" by the day... and we're thinking it's "time".... and i pray that it's soon coz i juz cannot stand looking at the old woman looking so frail and so sickly... this morning, for no apparent reason, she suddenly couldn't talk!.. she was juz murmuring and laying down.. until sometime after subuh..
and the worst thing was, dearest saw her "pushing" away "something".. he tot he was disturbing her.. but apparently, NOT! when dearest ask her, she murmured something like "Stop pressing my lips"... hmmmm... i read somewhere that the first signs of death is some sort of pulsing or something of the kind somewhere on your body and it goes higher and higher up till the day you die.. something like that... so, that kinda reaffirms that it's "abt time".... PLUS, she's oredi like reminding (kasi pesan) dearest's mom on somethings....
i really hate it when i get to see someone so old, looking so fragile and sickly.. it always someway, make me wonder how i'd be in the future, when i'm at that age - like will i be thin and sickly or will I stay chubby, cute and bubbly healthy like my nyayi today? if the kind of death is hereditary like cancer... then, i'd sure wanna die like the rest of my nyayi's siblings - ASAP!... eg the latest sister who died, she was healthy when she suddenly fell in the toilet. went into coma and died peacefully in her sleep within like 2-4 days.. i think i'd rather wanna die tat way then have to suffer a decade before you "peacefully" die, surrounded by your loved ones... and i've always like the idea or more of hoping being in deep sleep if i were have to die in an accident or some terrorist attack!.. so that i will not have to live through the pain and be in torture!... in other words, i'd rather have a gun shot through my head w/o me knowing, than slit my wrists and bleed to death!...
i guess that's one of the reasons why God made it such a way that one won't know when one is dying.. this excludes the doctors' prediction when they tell you, "You only have 6mths to live"... they can only predict.. but they will still not able to tell you exactly when you'll die.. and most often than not, you will, by sheer of will, able to surpass the "deadline" given.
hmmm.. this topic's too depressing.. i would definitely lurvvve to complain abt my day - my beautiful day, turne out to be filled with "irritants"!.. but i'm feeling pretty disturbed by this at the moment.. so, i shall keep those complaints until the "irritants" come out to "play" again!
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